With MGM Liquor as a neighbor, the Northtown Mall gives off that high class, puttin' on the Ritz kind of vibe.

Now that the Minnesota State Fair is over, us Minnesotans will have to wait an entire YEAR before we can see Minnesota’s best mullets, rat-tails, and muffin-tops on parade.

Don’t deny it – we all know you’re not going to the fair to oogle the riding lawnmowers or fawn over all that informerical shit in the bazaar. Quit kidding yourself; you go there for the PEOPLE WATCHING. And when the Minnesota State Fair shuts down for the season, the people-watching side show also shuts down. So how’s a people-watching afficiando supposed to get their jollies the other 50 weeks of the year? Well folks, I have the answer.

Come to the Northtown Mall.

Along with Billy Big Mouth Bass and mounted deer heads, these moving light pictures are a popular fixture in the local homes

Normally, you'd see several Camaros with flamed-out paint jobs in the parking lot. I must've visited on an off day

Serving the exquisite north suburban communities of Spring Lake Park, Fridley, Coon Rapids, and Blaine, the Northtown Mall naturally attracts some very interesting clientele. Common creatures include -

• Mulleted men in wife-beaters with a round can popping out of the back pocket of the wranglers (Chicks dig that)
• Pregnant teens
• Toby Keith fans
• Middle-aged ladies with bottle-blonde frizz, teased mall bangs standing 8 inches high, hot-pink nails, and a stained NASCAR t-shirt pushing a stroller with 5 screaming brats fighting over a bag of rapidly cooling Burger King french fries.

Burlington Coat Factory sells CLASS and STYLE to Northtown Mall shoppers

See, it’s just like the people-watching at the state fair! Only in an enclosed, climate-controlled enviroment, open year-round! What fun.

110 stores? Really? I think someone's doing a little fuzzy math here... (photo taken August, 2007)

OH NOES! (2008, Herberger's remodel)

Herberger's is coming to save the mall! And hopefully help the Northtown shoppers dress like they're from this decade)

Northtown Mall is a one-level mall, which opened in 1972 with a whopping 33 stores. It was remodeled in 1988 and, at the time, had 120 stores. Prior to this renovation, I’ve read that this mall was very dark & dreary (probably very Brookdale-esque), but I never visited this mall until 1992. I was a tween in 1992, and the best part about going to the Northtown Mall was checking out Spencer Gifts, Mr. Bulky, and Woolworth’s for their selection of “RUSS” Troll Dolls. Actually, I shouldn’t include Woolworth’s on that list – they only sold the “Treasure Troll” brand Troll Dolls, which weren’t as desirable as the Russ trolls. Anyway.

So if Brookdale is the Twin Cities’ ghetto mall, then Northtown is its trashy counterpart. I wouldn’t quite say it’s in Brookdale Center dead mall territory yet, but it has seen its better days. This isn’t a mall around which you’d plan your entire afternoon – unless you’re people-watching.

A popular smoke break hangout for Northtown Mall workers

Northtown’s anchors have seen a lot of turnaround. Here’s how some of the anchors have changed (I am going completely by memory – if you have corrections, please let me know!)
Donaldsons (closed early 90s) > Carson Piere Scott (closed early 90’s) > Mervyn’s (Closed 2004) > empty space/hallway/Banks (sealed off early 2008) > Herbergers
MainStreet (closed 1989) > Kohls (closed Summer 2004) > Burlington Coat Factory
HomeGoods (Closed 2001) > Steve & Barry’s (opened 2003)
Montgomery Wards (closed 2001) > sealed off > demolished to make way for Home Depot
Woolworth (closed early ’90s) > Best Buy

Ahoy, mateys!

Another view of old skool Northtown signage

Other former non-anchor stores in the Northtown Mall include:
Applebee’s (now moved to a location in the middle of the mall parking lot)
Petite Sophisticate
Casual Corner
First Barber Stylists
Some pet store, next to the hair salon
Mr. Bulky
Picadelly Circus Arcade
Kay Bee Toys
…I honestly can’t remember any other stores. If you know of any, please let me know!

The old Mervyn's location was converted into a mall hallway. This was sealed up in 2008 to make room for the Herbergers

Another view of the creepy hallway, July 2007

In 2006, this was a "Banks" store for a little while

Today, Northtown mall keeps chuggin’ along. In the past year, LA Fitness and Home Depot have set up shop, as well as a new Herberger’s store that’s expected to open within the month. Sure, it’s a trashy mall, but it has character, which many of the new malls simply do not have. In all honesty, it might not be the prettiest place, but it’s an okay-place to shop. It’s safe, has your typical mall offerings, and it usually isn’t terribly crowded (especially when NASCAR races are on the boob tube).

Enjoy the rest of the photos! (Photos taken August 2008)

This way to Steve & Barry's!!! Hurry, quick! Ill-fitting highwater olive green chinos are on sale! ONLY $8.98 (or less!) Supplies are limited!

Northtown Mall has a kids play area with equipment that looks like a giant piece of dog shit atop a blue bowl

Creepy mall hallways have been frightening Northtown shoppers for decades

Lockers at the mall. WTF. I suppose if all the lockers at LA Fitness are in use, you can stuff your gym bag in here

Applebee's is closed. You'll have to walk across the parking lot to get your microwaved dinner, folks

Another view of the dead Applebee's

Ladies, if you're looking to flirt with the Federline-type, pick up a man at the Northtown Best Buy! Hubba, hubba!

The Northtown Bath & Body Works still uses the old store front

Speaking of old store fronts, Express hasn't updated its signage since 1986! A rare sight indeed! "Camgainge Internationale"

This shiny blue tiled wall once housed the Picadelly Circus arcade, ripping off thousands of teens back in its heyday

At Victoria's Secret, they just don't leave you alone until they've chased you around the store a few times and forced a black shopping bag in your hand

Seduce your man by picking up some new polka dot lingerie at Victoria's Secret. That's hot.

Upon entering Victoria's Secret, a perky sales associate will chase you around the store, pestering you to apply for an Angels card

Radio Shack is still in business. I bet you could even find a VHS deck inside, if you looked hard enough!

A picturesque view of the cosmopolitan food court

Northtown's recently renovated food court

Which way to the Dollar Tree?

Nothing says "class" better than an outfit from DEB

This is where Kohls used to be.