The garland around the Rosedale Commons sign is nice and all, but I'd prefer something a little more over-the-top/Clark Griswald-style myself.

On the surface, this place looks like every other strip mall out there. And it pretty much is, except for one thing. The “windows” function like garage-doors and open up in the summer, giving this place an open-air/lifestyle center-type feeling. Being that it opened in 1986, it was so ahead of its time…

Located right across the street from Rosedale Mall (the Twin Cities’ busiest mall, other than the Mall of America), Rosedale Commons is a pretty hoppin’ place. Having a gym and 2 restaurants (TGIFridays and Old Country Buffet)  help keep the crowds comin’.

Soon, this strip mall will lose its biggest store – Linens ‘N Things. Linens ‘N Things is closing all stores, and the Rosedale Commons location is no exception. How will we function without Linens N Things? Where will I buy my balsam & cedar decorative votives? How will I complete my Country Blue Ducks decor in my kitchen? I still need the matching lightswitch plate!

Next to Linens N Things is a Petsmart. Petsmart used to be a CompUSA, but again, the national chain closes up shop, and out of Rosedale Commons it goes. Maybe this place is cursed.

Linens N Things and Petsmart aren’t accessible from inside the mall. But the rest of the stores are. Let’s go inside!

Sunlight streams through the hallway of Rosedale Commons. Bring the sunscreen!

At the far end of the mall is a Wells Fargo and a GameStop. There used to be a Chinese Buffet here too. Probably went out of business because of the Old Country Buffet a few yards down the hall. There’s only so many buffets one strip mall can handle, you know.

Going further down the hallway is an abandoned Ulta store.  Ulta and all of their

This Ulta store is closed, but you can still get harassed for a "free" subscription to InStyle magazine when you visit their new location down the road.

uber-bitchy sales associates moved just down the road to the Crossroads Mall.  See you at the Crossroads!

Further down the hallway is Dena Marie Bridal and Tux. They’re always hauling out a bunch of misfit bridesmaid dresses on racks & having impromptu sidewalk sales. I guess that’s a good thing if you don’t mind having mismatched bridesmaid dresses at your wedding or if you’re in the market for a prom dress.

They also sell men’s tuxes and suits. Again, great for weddings and proms. This place is a madhouse around prom season. A bunch of 16-18 year old boys trying on $40 suits, acting like they’re hot shot businessmen CEO’s. Meh.

We’ve also got a Pearle Vision Center, Jenny Craig, Joann Fabrics, Urban Traveler, and a Juut Salon.

In the middle of the mall is a staircase leading to…THE BASEMENT. It’s not your typical creepy mall basement, like the one in Har Mar. The basement of this place has a women-only Lifetime Fitness and the mall office. It used to have a ballroom dance studio, but that closed a few years ago. Lifetime bought the space and expanded. Back when CompUSA was in this strip mall, the nerdy sales guys used to sneak down on their break and sit on the concrete steps to stare at the women working out. CREEPY. Lifetime has since blocked out the windows.

THE BASEMENT! Oooh SCARY!

I go to this Lifetime sometimes. I usually stick to the Lifetime closer to home, but every once in a while, I’ll go here for old time’s sake. I used to go here ALL.THE.TIME – they had some awesome classes here at one point in time (Tuesday 5:30PM step class, I miss you!!), but some of the instructors moved on or they moved the classes to a time when I cannot attend.  I’ve pretty much stopped going to the classes at Lifetime, so I go to the club by my house.  I’m going to the gym to run on the treadmill for an hour & listen to angry rap songs – any Lifetime will do. It’s actually much nicer facility too.

This is a very basic, bare-bones Lifetime. It’s basically cardio equipment, weight machines and some random group fitness classes.  If this is the main club you use, you’re probably better off getting a membership to Anytime Fitness for the price of this place. There is no pool, no snack bar, no rock climbing wall.  Just women and exercise equipment.

Back upstairs, a few more shops remain. A few places near the OCB wing of the mall closed.  Mega Media Xchange (aren’t they edgy, spelling their name with an X and all!?) – a place where you can sell back your used CDs, DVDs and video games. Looks like they moved all of their inventory over to

Mega Media Xchange - one of those places where you can trade in your entire DVD collection for a whopping 75 cents.

Blaine.  I doubt their Blaine location will stay in business very much longer either. These types of places are a dying breed. Soon, everything will be digital, and we won’t need to buy physical CDs and DVDs. These kinds of places attract those people who, in 2008, wave around their cell phone like it’s still a status symbol.

Why buy new when slightly used will do? Hmm...Tricky Dick's got me there. How can you argue with that?

Shinders closed too. The local porn peddler closed up shop in June 2007. Pretty sad — Shinders was the closest thing Roseville had to a Vegas-area brothel. The owner couldn’t afford to keep the stores operating — and along with that, he was facing drug charges.

Porn and drugs — not surprising. If he’s not in jail right now, you could probably find him blowing lines in the VIP room at Sheiks. Fuck, is there any Minnesota business owner who hasn’t had a brush with the law? Who’s next? My money’s on Dick Enrico. After all, he did that ad campaign with him looking like Baby Hitler…

Also on this end of the strip mall is an Oreck vacuum store. Vacuums are for losers. Real men and women use Roombas.

And then we come to the big daddy of Rosedale Commons. The Old Country Buffet. Yep, much like the Holly Center in Fridley, the Old Country Buffet is a big draw for this strip mall.

From their advertising and marketing, you’d think you were getting a homecooked meal from Ma at the farmhouse. In reality, you’re getting something more akin to what you’d find in a government-run cafeteria.

They have…

• A meat station with a guy slicing the delicate cuts of roast beef, turkey, and ham. I guess he’s supposed to be the
  

  If the Old Country Buffet closed, there'd be a line at Baker's Square at 3pm.

  chef. We’re supposed to believe that because he’s wearing a paper chef hat. Okay.

• A pasta station. Lots of noodles soaking in neon orange cheese.  You can usually find cold pizza, brittle mashed potatoes, and sometimes *gasp* a makeshift taco bar.
• A soda fountain with unlimited refills on various corn syrup drinks.  OCB doesn’t have a liquor license. They should get one – this place would be a trip if you were tipsy. Come to think of it, they should install TVs in here too.  Grandpa could sip a 7 & 7, gum on unlimited cinnamon rolls, and watch The Price is Right. What fun! But for now, bring a flask.
• A dessert bar with various confections that have all the delicacy of a Hostess pie.
• And the two decoys on which every buffet relies – a salad bar and a soft-serve ice cream station.

No matter how you decide to navigate the troughs, please, for the love of god, take a clean plate for every trip to the buffet. This isn’t a chuckwagon, you rouges!

I don't think this mall has enough rules. What's next, no open toed shoes

Oh – one last thing to mention – these signs are plastered all over this mall, and without it, there would be pure anarchy.  Don’t pretend you’re Tony Hawk! Don’t light up! No Amway fliers! No selling boy scout wreaths! No horseplay or doing any of that other shit here or you will find yourself singing show tunes in prison. Where’s our freedom of expression? It’s like a police state here!

Enjoy the rest of the photos! All photos taken December, 2008.

If you think this is going to be like a Vegas-style buffet, think again. Most Vegas buffets aren't that great anyway, but at least they have sad-sap gambling-style decor to look at and an on-site bookie.

Rosedale Commons Hallway

Dena Marie Bridal

Taffeta dresses, anyone?

Don't let that beautiful pyramid statue in front of the door fool you into thinking you'll find classic pieces of art inside Rosedale Commons. It's just an ashtray.

Linens N Things is going out of business. Why, it must be because of the SMOKING BAN. Isn't that what smokers always say whenever any business anywhere closes?

Going out of business