Old-skool Circuit City stores, like the Roseville store, had an entrance shaped like a UL standard plug.

Circuit City has been circling in the drain for years and in early 2009, it finally kicked the bucket.  Its demise was a long time coming. Circuit City has been living on borrowed time this past decade. With its empty parking lots and deserted stores, it was one of those places you wondered how it stayed in business. I swear, places like Circuit City and some of these other companies must have a deal with drug cartels to stay open and never have any customers.

Alright. So, it’s seven (or so) months later since the second-fiddle big box electronics dealer closed its doors and I’m finally getting around to writing about this. Better late than never, right? I can’t ignore a huge chain store closing – so it’s about time to pay homage to the giant red plug in the ground.

The pictures in this article are all from the Rosedale store, but I didn’t shop at that location very often.  I shopped at the Brooklyn Center location. Actually, I think the only time I ever went into the Roseville store was during the liquidation “sale”, but we’ll get to that later.

For the record, here’s a list of the other locations that were in the Twin Cities at some point:
Brooklyn Center
Burnsville
Coon Rapids
Edina
Mall of America (Circuit City Express. They sold stuff like cables and wires and cell phones. So, kind of like a Radio Shack.)
Maple Grove
Maplewood
Minnetonka
Woodbury

Retailers everywhere are BEGGING for Circuit City's square footage

I was never a huge fan of Circuit City, but I can’t say I ever had a problem with it. It’s not like I’m hoping the chain is burning in hell as we speak. In a way, it kinda blows that Best Buy now has no real competition here.  I always shopped at Best Buy for my electronics needs, but on occasion, I did stop in at Circuit City. Why didn’t I care for CC? A few reasons:

#1: Circuit City had checkout stations located haphazardly throughout the store and no one was ever manning them. When you wanted to purchase something, you had to wave down an associate or bring your purchase up to the Customer Service desk and get in line with people doing returns or filing a complaint. Best Buy has easy-to-find checkout lanes all located at the front of the store, where they should be.

#2: The entire checkout process was annoying. When you finally did find someone to ring you up, it was always complicated, arduous process, even if you were just buying a CD. The sales associate would ask you for your name, address, and whatnot. You had to stand at the station for like 10 minutes while they typed god knows what into the computer. All I wanted was a Smash Mouth CD! You expect paperwork when you buy a car or a house, but a CD?  I’ve gotten bank loans faster.

#3:  Circuit City was a confusing mess. The VHS (later DVD) and CD sections were one giant clusterfuck. Plus, Circuit City kind of had a slimeball feel to it; it always felt like something shady was goin’ on there, but I could never quite put my finger on it.

#4: I don’t like shopping in the dark. Upon entering Circuit City, you felt like you were entering an electronics bunker.

#5: Best Buy is a Minnesota company, so they’ve got that whole “Hometown Hero” thing going for it, just like Target. I don’t even know where CC is based out of, nor do I care.

#6: Their coupons were full of holes & you needed to read the fine print carefully. You couldn’t use them on anything you actually wanted. They basically amounted to, “Good for $15 off a purchase of $100 or more in USB cables.” I can’t say Best Buy is any better though. Plus, Best Buy makes you join some silly little club to get their 5% off coupons in the mail or whatever. Meh.

That said, I did make my first big purchase as an adult at the Brookdale Square Circuit City (you can see photos on the Brookdale Square post). I still have the paper trail to prove it.

My cell phone has more storage capacity than this $2,000 computer.

The year was 1997. I graduated high school that spring and was ready for college.  I wasn’t going away to school to live in the dorms — I was going to continue living with my parents and commute to school. I insisted to my parents that our family computer, a Packard Bell 486SX purchased in 1995, was getting slow and I needed something that could handle the projects, papers, and tasks my professors would require.

My parents aren’t the most tech-savvy people out there, but they weren’t stupid and they certainly weren’t buying my plea. I wasn’t majoring in Computer Science or Graphic Design — I was going to major in Journalism (at the time).  I’d be writing papers, not creating Shockwave animations. In their eyes, I could’ve gotten by with a typewriter. In the end, they gave me two options — they offered to buy the Compton ’97 Encyclopedia CD-ROM for me (uhhh..thanks, but no), or I could buy the computer myself with some of my graduation money.

That was good enough for me! My graduation money was to be used for college-related expenses ONLY (books), not for buying fun stuff like makeup, shoes, or CDs.

Visions of Windows 98, 56K modems, and After Dark screen saver software packages danced in my head, as I took a hammer to my piggy bank and headed out the door.

Now I could continue this charade of me telling you that I wanted a new kick-ass computer system to write papers, but I think you’ve already figured out my MO. The truth was, I bought the computer to fuck around:  To play my cheesy games (SimCity2000), have more hard disk space for MIDI and WAV files, work on my Geocities homepage, and have a faster modem so I could download shit like AOHELL 9.0 and spam chat rooms with 50-line macros of Bart Simpson getting blown by Lisa.  Sure, I’d use it for my coursework, but if that alone was the sole reason for wanting a new computer, I could’ve gotten by just fine with the 486. For a while anyway.

Circuit City wasn't in the electronics business, they were in the insurance business

After pricing out computers at Best Buy, Computer City, and Circuit City, I ended up buying my PENTIUM (!!!) Packard Bell computer from Big Red. I don’t know what made me buy it at Circuit City– it must’ve been the price, or perhaps I thought that the sports coat-wearing commissioned sales guy was cute (An 18-year old girl is swayed easily by these things).

I purchased the entire package — computer, monitor, printer, and according to my receipt, I must’ve been strong-armed into buying the 5-year warranty plan,which I never cashed in on.  The computer also came with a software bundle with shit like Word Perfect, Corel Draw, and MS Encarta (which made Mom happy).  (Oh Mom…sorry to break this to you, but I don’t think I even clicked on the Encarta icon. I probably ended up deleting the program so I could free up hard disk space for more WAV files and Photoshop Plug-Ins).

I didn’t pay with this purchase in cash like I had originally intended — I ended up getting approved for a Circuit City credit card. Being that I was only 18 and had little credit history, I wasn’t approved for the entire price of the computer, so I paid part of it on the CC card, and part with my Visa. The idea was to pay the cards off with my graduation money as soon as the bill arrived to build some credit history, and I did just that.

After buying the computer, my mom and I had to wait around in the pick up area of the store for it to be “delivered.” It was kind of like waiting for your luggage at the airport. They had this procedure for a lot of the stuff you’d buy at CC, not just computers.  Most of the time, you couldn’t just pick up a VCR or whatever off the shelf…you had to flag down a sales dude (who was busy blowing spit bubbles and starting at the ceiling), tell him which model you wanted, then listen to an annoying sales pitch and extended warranty ballyhoo before you could actually buy the damn thing & be directed to the pick up area.

Check out this sweet $2,000 setup! Rory the Lion beanie baby keeps me company while I get into a flamewar on the AOL message boards. The diet Cherry Cokes and a bag of Easter M&Ms give me enough fuel to keep my trolling fresh and sassy.

I was thrilled with my purchase and my new system allowed me to be the AOL Renegade that I had always wanted to be.  I could hop from chat room to chat room,  harassing other AOLers with {S duckjob in 56K warp speed!

(if you get the duckjob.wav reference, kudos to you!)

Other than the computer, I really didn’t buy much at Circuit City. I remember stopping in one time, thinking about buying a Minidisc player. I requested help from an aloof sales guy, and in response to my question, he picked up the item I was holding and began reading the side of the box to me. (I didn’t end up buying a minidisc player. Even at the time, I felt that Minidiscs weren’t going to catch on & that MP3s would be the next big thing).

I bought a few CDs here and there, but shopping here was only out of desperation. I’d only stop in if Best Buy or Target didn’t have the oddball CD I wanted. It was too much of a hassle to shop here. Even their Black Friday loss leaders never tempted me. It was just too much work & effort to go to Circuit City.

When the liquidation sale was announced earlier this year, I didn’t rush down the same day to pick over the bones of the dead company in hopes of irresistible savings, but I did stop in a few times. At the time, I was looking for a new computer (a Macbook), and checked out CC, hoping they sold Macs . They didn’t.

The going-out-of-business sale sucked. I think I stopped in 3 times. The first two times, I went to the Roseville store. It was packed, it was messy, and it was loud. Everyone was looking for the same thing — the good stuff, like discounted WIIs, cheap HDTVs, and after-market car stereos for pennies on the dollar. We knew Circuit City was closing FOR SURE. They weren’t fucking around, like Wilson’s

The Circuit City Rosedale was in a poor location

Leather or mall jewelry stores. This was it. Circuit City’s gettin’ snuffed and electronics junkies everywhere were lookin’ for deals.

Like most big stores that go out of business, they turn the sale over to a liquidation company. The company they chose couldn’t even run a going out of business sale properly. Everything was marked back up to its original MSRP. The 20% off a $19.99 DVD of Pretty in Pink wasn’t tempting; it was insulting. Target has the same DVD for $5.

“Up to 30% off”. What’s 30% off? CD disk cleaning solution, laser pointers, and candy bars. Right, time to hurry in! Anything you’d actually want was only 10% off. The discount gradually increased over time, but even in the sale’s final days, I didn’t see anything good. Even if I did find anything good, those frightening “All Sales Final” signs pretty much deterred me from purchasing any big-ticket items. I did buy a candy bar though (Baby Ruth, if you must know). It was delicious.

I went to the Maple Grove store during Circuit City’s final weekend. The store looked like a warzone.  We went there looking for speakers, but there were none to be had. What was left? A bunch of CDs no one wanted, J-Lo movies on DVD, cables, and broken shit.  The store was in complete disarray, with broken store displays, cords hanging from the ceiling, and empty CD-R spindles and plastic twist ties from speaker-wire packaging littering the floor. We walked out of Circuit City for the last time, empty-handed. There wasn’t even a discounted candy bar to buy.

Fourty years from now, I can’t say I’ll be waxing nostalgic about Circuit City to my grandkids. It wasn’t my favorite place to shop, but it wasn’t horrible either. However, throughout the years, it changed for the worse.  The sales guy who sold me the computer in 1997 was great. He was helpful & knowledgeable. Sometime after that, Circuit City made a turn for the worse. The sales associates no longer wore dapper blazers; instead, they sported red polo shirts. Sales folks all became non-commissioned hourly employees, and in 2007, many of their high-paid store associates were let go to make way for cheaper, less knowledgeable employees to save the doomed company money. Because of all this, Circuit City’s customer service reputation took a hit throughout the last decade. The poor service combined with the confusing store layout and high prices resulted in Big Red going down in flames.

Adios, Circuit City. You reap what you sow.

Photos of Circuit City taken June 2009. All other photos are circa 1997.

Did you find any treasures during the Circuit City liquidation? Former employee? Any Circuit City memories you’d like to share? Post in the comments!

[View with PicLens]

This place changes its name more than Prince

Put another log on the fire — here’s the last installment of the Roseville Restaurant Trilogy. This time, it’s all about the restaurant formerly known as KFAN.

If you’re familiar with the Roseville area, you know that this restaurant location is cursed. It seems like every time you drive by this place, it has a new name. In only five years, this restaurant has changed ownership four times…that’s nearly once per year. It probably sets some sort of record or something.

Because of this location’s spotty tenant track record, one might think that the history of this restaurant would be a good premise for a future Stephan King novel.   Why can’t anything can stay here very long? Surely it must be haunted! Perhaps it’s built on an ancient Indian burial ground?

I wish the KFAN/Big City/WhateverTheFuckIt’sCalled’s folklore were that exciting, but it isn’t. It’s simply a shitty location for a restaurant, that’s all. There’s no creepy ghost story and no need to call Scooby Doo to the scene. If you’re really that desperate for a spooky tale, fix yourself a bowl of BooBerry cereal and grab an Ecto-Cooler HiC juice box from the fridge, and skim through a FearStreet book. Then hop back on your computer and continue reading.

Originally, this was an Italian restaurant called “Lido’s”. Can’t say I ever ate there or even remember it. I believe that Lido’s was torn down sometime in 2003 and KFAN went up in its place.

Here’s the timeline:

KFAN the Restaurant: Opened in December 2003, closed in 2005.

Big City Tavern: Opened in September 2005, closed in July 2006.

Majors: Opened in September 2006, closed sometime in 2008.

Grumpy’s: Opened in 2008 – present. How long will this last? I could probably start a death pool on this and offer up a prize to the reader who correctly guesses its closing date, but that wouldn’t be very nice now, would it?

The KFAN Restaurant logo

In case you’re not familiar with Minnesota radio, KFAN is a supposed to be a sports talk radio station, but whenever I turn them on, they’re talking about politics. I suppose even the biggest sports nut has a limit on how much Brett Favre joining the Vikings speculation they can take per day. I don’t listen to the station much, but I know that last year, one of their big-time personalities was busted for crack and promptly fired. They also have some yahoo who calls himself a common man like it’s a good thing. Then again, in today’s world of everyone thinking they’re a special snowflake, someone who calls himself a “Common Man” is a little refreshing.

KFAN 1130 AM, like most radio stations in town, is owned by media giant Clear Channel communications. In the early ’00s, Clear Channel had a bright idea to launch a chain of sports bar style restaurants, but wanted to class it up by focusing more on food quality and decor rather than nailing a bunch of faux vintage sports memorabilia to the walls like most sports joints do.

KFAN the Restaurant was their pet project and Clear Channel’s foray into the restaurant business all hinged on its success. If it was a hit, Clear Channel planned to open 12 to 18 similar radio-themed restaurants around the country, using the namesake of popular local radio stations.

Unfortunately for Clear Channel, KFAN the Restaurant wasn’t a winner.  The exact reason why KFAN closed is up for debate — a few articles alluded to restaurant management not being happy with Clear Channel’s rigid restrictions on how they ran the place. Location probably played a huge role in its failure as well. Despite it being located and easily

The entrance/exit to Grumpy's. I always wondered why they couldn't connect this road to Snelling Avenue. It'd make things a little bit easier

spotted on busy Snelling Avenue, it’s tough to figure out how to access this place. If you’re coming from North Snelling Avenue, you need to drive about a 1/2 mile past the restaurant, turn at the stoplight, and then take the service road alllll the way back, passing a strip mall, various ho-hum retail establishments, and a car dealership before turning into the cul-de-sac in which the restaurant resides. That’s just too damn much work to eat at what appears to be a generic sports bar. Meh,  it’s easier just to sing for your supper….or just say fuck this bullshit, and head over to the area closer to Rosedale.

Speaking of which, this place is located too far away from the Roseville’s hotspot — the Rosedale Mall. Plenty of eating

and entertainment options surround the mall, and it’s no surprise that shoppers are more likely to eat at Granite City, Macaroni Grill, Flame, Good Earth, and so on, rather than try to navigate their way out to Snelling Avenue and try to figure out how to access this place. But hey, it’s located next to Midway Ford, so….?

Had KFAN the Restaurant succeeded, would we now have a KDWB the Restaurant? Imagine the possibilities! Gary Spivey readings! They could host Jingle Ball/Star Party/Last Chance Summer Dance (do they still do that?) in one of the basement banquet halls here! An expansive, 3-song playlist piped over the sound system: the latest Black Eyed Peas song, a rap song with a hook featuring T-Pain, and Baby Got Back!  There could be ads on the bathroom stall doors peddling mangle mouth makeovers from Dr. Dave Hertelendy at All Care Dentistry, an ad for LASIK surgery from the good folks at North Suburban Eye Specialists, and Slim4Life ads (just the kind of propaganda you want to see when you’re taking at shit at a restaurant selling fried food).

Okay, so back to KFAN.

When you walk up to this place, the first thing you notice is the monumental, eye-catching entrance. Upon entering, you immediately feel like you’re under dressed — like you should be wearing a sports coat instead of wearing jeans and your Randall McDaniel jersey purchased in 1995.  After looking around at the high ceilings, marble tiles, grand staircases, and mood lighting, you feel a bit confused — this supposed to be SPORTS bar, right? A sports bar for a radio station that calls its listeners “Rubes”? The luxurious backdrop of this place is a bit unexpected.

As you’ve probably figured out, this wasn’t just your typical, tired suburban sports bar. Sure, they had Golden Tee, pool tables, top 40 90′s alt rock music blaring on the sound system, (I remember going here one time when it was Big City Tavern and hearing The

Grumpy's offers outdoor dining

Wallflowers’ One Headlight 3 freakin’ times!), flat screens, and a plenty of slutty girls with bad highlights and 20-something men with beer guts wearing too-tight Affliction t-shirts.

This place is just too big — three levels too big.  Only two areas are open to the dining public — the dining area and the bar area. The rest of the place includes several banquet halls and conference rooms, all of which I’ve never witnessed anyone using.  At one point, when this place was Big City Tavern, the downstairs was going to be turned into a dinner theater. That would’ve been kind of cool.

There was a gift shop near the entrance hawking KFAN sweatshirts, beer kozies, keychains, Dan Barreiro autographed photos suitable for framing, and other various overpriced, screenprinted doodads featuring the station’s call letters. Never saw anyone buy any of this shit. They also held live radio broadcasts from the restaurant a few days a week, so you could do a meet ‘n greet with your favorite KFAN personality — just like you would at the state fair.

I only ate in the dining area once. I felt like I was missing out on all of the shenanigans happening over in the bar area. The dining room was quiet and peaceful, but that’s not really what I expected when I went here. It’s nice that they didn’t shove the sports down your throat like most places do, but really…it’s a sports bar, and, well, I kind of wanted to watch THE GAME and scream obscenities at TV sets. That’s why I chose a place named after a sports station. Even though the experience was pleasant, every time I’d go here after that, my party and I forgo the dining area and belly up to the bar and shoot some pool instead.

The food wasn’t too bad, but it couldn’t have been that memorable because I don’t really have anything to say about it. It was your typical American fare–burgers, chicken sandwiches, salads, fried apps. You could even order “fancier” entrees like salmon and porterhouse steak.  Prices were okay, perhaps a bit on the expensive side. I do remember ringing up quite the tab after spending a night of aggressive drinking here. Oops.

A view of the doomed diner

Despite all of its different lifeforms, this restaurant didn’t really seem to change. You really couldn’t distinguish whether it was KFAN/Big City/Majors when you walked in or even by looking at the menu. It all pretty much seemed the same. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or what.

Today, this place is Grumpy’s, suburban-style. Seems to be quite an odd location for a Grumpy’s , so we’ll see how long this will last. I haven’t eaten here myself since it was Majors, so here’s a local blogger’s review of it as Grumpy’s, complete with food pics and snapshots pics of the inside.

Any information to add? Any memories of this place? Post in the comments!

Joe's Crab Shack is a sensory experience, to say the least

Installment #2 on Dumpy Strip Malls’ Roseville Restaurant Trilogy – the closed Joe’s Crab Shack off of Snelling Avenue.

So yep, another abandoned building/former restaurant post with complementing photo essay. These places look so sad and creepy when they’re all boarded up & lifeless like this. But, hey, I like this kind of stuff and that’s why I have this blog. I’m the weirdo pulling off the side of the road, taking pictures of run-down buildings & weedy parking lots.

The Joe’s Crab Shack chain arrived in Minnesota in 1999 with two locations — Roseville and Maple Grove. Minnesota suburbanites love their chain restaurants (me included — I don’t mind a chain restaurant, as long as it’s GOOD), but poor Joe couldn’t make it work in this town.  Maybe because of the abundance of Red Lobsters around, there wasn’t room in this town for another french-fried seafood chain? Or perhaps people just wanted to go to dinner to RELAX and EAT (what a concept!) & not have their server bully them into joining their conga line every 15 minutes? Whatever the reason might’ve been, the Roseville location closed in March 2007 and the Maple Grove location shut down in early 2008.

The beach-themed Joe's Crab Shack. No, they don't take sand dollars as a form of payment, but it would add a touch of authenticity if they did

The Roseville location is still standing in development limbo, with nearly every fixture still intact, making this former non-stop summer beach bash locale look exceptionally creepy.

The Maple Grove location is now a Broadway Pizza, which is located along the northwest area of Elm Creek Blvd. There’s been a fair amount of restaurant turnover in this particular area.  Former food eateries in this area include Green Mill, Krispy Kreme (which has been completely remodeled and is now a bank), Hops Restaurant & Brewery, and Baker’s Square (being torn to pieces to make way for a strip mall addition).

Unfortunately (…probably not the best choice of wording), I never ate at the Minnesota locations. My only experience with Joe’s Crab Shack was in 2000 in Gurnee, IL after a long day at Six Flags Great America (apparently, at the time, none of us knew that Joe’s Crab Shack had already infiltrated the Twin Cities area). I have pictures of this “event” but hell if I’m posting them. I would if it had been at one of the Minnesota locations, but it’s a Joe’s in the Chicago area, so no dice.

Unlike the lovely Fridley Crab House, this dining establishment is a chain, so location usually doesn’t matter, and most of this could apply to one of the MN locations. Whether it’s Chicago or Minnesota, you’re still in a landlocked state thousands of miles from the sea, leaving few choices for authentic and fresh-off-the-liner ocean seafood. Unless you want to fork over some big bucks for a meal at Oceanaire (which, by the way, isn’t doing so hot), places like Joe’s or Red Lobster will have to do. The people in my group thought

Joe's Crab Shack had a kiddie playground. What, is this McDonalds?

it would be way cool to eat here based solely on the building’s semblance of a weathered seaside frathouse that takes a yearly beating during hurricane season (Well, we were college kids).   With the tiki posts, the Christmas lights strung from the deck beams, and the sheer amount of ear-numbing NOISE coming from this restaurant, it seemed like a potential hotspot for some crazy drunken shit to go down! We were all for it. (Evidently, we didn’t notice the huge outdoor KIDS play pit smack dab in front of the restaurant. Quite a perceptive group!)

I’m not crazy about seafood, but I didn’t complain — it looked like a fun place to eat. If anything, I can just grub on the popcorn shrimp and get a lil’ tipsy. Hey, it’s better than getting smashed in a depressing hotel bar.

Even though the atmosphere has that “forced-fun-designed-in-a-corporate-boardroom” feel to it, they do an okay job making you feel like you’re at the beach. The beach = throngs of people smelling like dogs & dirt from getting wet and sweating all day…which is exactly what you’d find when dining at a restaurant right next to a major amusement park. It was packed wall-to-wall in here with the same people who were at the amusement park, sporting the putrid clothes they wore all day, still damp from riding the Roaring Rapids. (same thing as Valleyfair’s Thunder Canyon).  Pretty gross — but this could be said about any restaurant located near a Six Flags. I’m sure this wasn’t the case at the Minnesota locations.

We were seated at a booth that looked like a picnic table. The utensils and napkins were stored in some sort of metal bucket. I remember looking at the menu and I couldn’t find anything I wanted to eat. Everything on the menu looked like the type of food that leaves me running for the toilet. If the seafood isn’t battered, I don’t want anything to do with it. This only escalates the digestive troubles.  With enough breading and tartar sauce dollops, the fishy taste can be kept to a minimum. (That’s what she said!) .  I ended up ordering some sort of fried seafood basket for which I paid dearly.

Such a festive setting

Their specialty drinks here are more like DRANKS. High calorie, complicated, recipe-required alcoholic beverages that look like a work of art. I thought I remember them having quite an extensive drink menu, but looking at the menu online, it pales in comparison to TGIF’s selection. Maybe it varies by location? I don’t normally like spending $10 on one drink, but hey, I can live a little. I’m at JOE’S for crying out load. The waiters are wearing hula skirts and doin’ The Butt (Owww! Sexy, Sexy). I think I ordered some blue drink (just because it was blue. Damn gimmick every.freakin’.time) — pretty sure it was the Shark Bite, and I was tipsy-doodle-do after a few sips. That’s not saying much on the drink strength though. I’m a lightweight and beer battered walleye would get me feelin’ loose.   When my drink arrived, everyone in my party thought it looked wicked cool, so more Shark Bites were ordered by our crew. Gotta live every week like it’s Shark Week, I guess.

Despite this seaside shanty’s appearance of a party house for drunken beach bums, it was crawling with little kids. The outdoor playground, cheeseball decorations, and a menu made up of mostly kid-friendly seafood should’ve tipped us off, but we were pretty surprised at all the little rugrats swimming around in here. Definitely not a place for a romantic dinner.

I can’t write about Joe’s Crab Shack without mentioning the singing staff. Every 15-20 minutes, all the servers here break into a silly song and dance routine that no one pays attention to, except the kids. It’s kind of cute the first time they do it, but beyond that, it just gets annoying. Sometimes, they try to guilt-trip you into joining them. The first act, they do the Macarena. Second act is the Sprinkler. Third act, they do the Hustle. Enough already, just let me eat my soggy seafood and limp french fries!!  By the way, NEVER mention that it’s your birthday. Unless you like wearing a coconut bra and dancing in the aisles to a Jimmy Buffet song…all while a pulsating strobe light illuminates the room, making you dizzy. The free scoop of vanilla ice cream just isn’t worth it.

They also had a gift shop here, kind of like what you’d find at the Hard Rock Cafe or Margaritaville, except Joe’s totally capitalizes on the “crabs” theme. Obviously. Nothing like a little STD innuendo to whet your appetite. You can buy all kinds of shit with clever puns – like shotglasses inscribed with “Peace, Love, and Crabs” or a t-shirt that reads, “Check out my mussels.” You go Joe! I surely didn’t see those jokes coming!

The abandoned Joe's Crab Shack Playland.

The food eventually came, with our server hastily dropping our grub off at our table to go do another dance. Between the Shark Bite drinks, my fried platter, and the sand pails of crab, by the end of the night, our table looked like Jaws threw up. No one complained about the food, but no one raved about it either. Or maybe they did. I don’t know — it was so damn loud up in hurrr that I don’t think anyone in our party held a conversation beyond, “WHAT?? CAN YOU REPEAT THAT?” “OH FUCK IT, TELL ME LATER.”  We left this place with our ears ringing and our bellies full of grease. Joe’s Crab Shack was one big fishy pile of MEH…but I bet my cat would love to eat the leftovers.

That said, I can’t say I’m sad that this chain uprooted itself from Minnesota. I remember one time in 2001, when my sister came into town — we had just finished up a marathon shopping session over at Rosedale and we were looking for a place to eat. She saw Joe’s and noted the boisterous vibe, but I just couldn’t bring myself to go here again. We settled on Olive Garden. Free salad and breadsticks, yo!

If I had a choice, give me Red Lobster. At least they have the cheesy biscuits. Or just give me that filet-o-fish. Give me that fish.

Any memories of Joe’s Crab Shack? Feel free to share in the comments!

Photos taken June 2009.

Eat at Joe's

Another view of the Roseville Joe's Crab Shack

The labelscar is actually more fitting than its original lettering -- it gives it that very appropriate 'branded cow' look.

I have 3 Roseville restaurant posts coming up — I was going to put them all into one blog entry, but this Cattle Company entry got long, so I’m splitting them up. Look for a Joe’s Crab Shack and KFAN/Grumpy’s entries coming shortly. No, this blog is not turning into a restaurant review blog. These places are either closed (Cattle Company & Joe’s) or just plain cursed (Grumpy’s location). That’s why they end up on Dumpy Strip Malls, with the unflattering snapshots, and not here with the yummy food pics.

You could say this stretch of land off of Snelling Avenue is a mini Roseville Restaurant Death Row. The Cattle Company closed up shop, and Joe’s Crab Shack wasn’t far behind. But the Olive Garden and Fuddruckers are still here…so I guess my stupid joke doesn’t really work.

I chose to photograph the Roseville spots but these upcoming restaurant posts can probably be applied to any location of these restaurants. They’re chains, for crying out loud. They’re pretty much the same wherever you go. Unfortunately, with these two restaurants, you can’t eat at them in Minnesota anymore.

Well…shit.

Stuart Anderson’s Cattle Company closed all of its Minnesota locations in September 2004. I guess this chain wasn’t doing so hot here, so they bid our state happy trails and left a smattering of empty buildings that look like barns in its wake. Seems to be difficult fill these former Cattle Company locations — 5 years later, and many are still standing today. But don’t have a cow, man — Stuart Anderson’s is still operating in many states today, but under the name Black Angus Restaurant.

The satellite dish is still on the roof

When you pull up to this place, it just makes you want to start humming “Oh I’ve got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle…as they go ridin’ merrily along!” in a sing-song voice. The outside of this joint looks like a cowboy outpost and screams spittoons, spurs, and achy breaky boots. You almost feel like you should tie your horse up outside, walk bow-legged into the restaurant wearing a neckerchief, and light up a Marlboro. The logo even had a silhouette of Stuart Anderson himself panning for gold. (Yeah, I know. He’s cooking some concoction over a campfire, but in this economy, it’s the first thing that comes to mind — Mr. Anderson is obviously searching for a nice-sized bounty to bring into The Gold Guys).

When ‘ya get inside, you realize Stuart Anderson was just fuckin’ with ‘ya. This place was actually fairly trendy, almost a “business-romantic” atmosphere, as Michael Scott would say. Mood lighting, tabletop candles, a hostess in a little black dress, and piped-in Adult Contemporary music. What the hell is going on? Where’s the Minnesota’s Most Wanted posters on the wall? The Tim McGraw music? The howdy-do greeting by the hostess?

I can’t remember if they even had cowboy crap on the walls. I mean, they might’ve. I’m sure there was at least one wagon wheel nailed to the wall. How could they resist? You’d think I’d remember this a little better, being that I did eat here a fair share of times. All I know is that I didn’t feel like I was on the set of The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly.

This was a reasonably-priced suburban steakhouse with decent food.  You could always find coupons in your weekly

A cow figure is branded on the side of the building.

junkmail bundle, usually enticing you with a 3-course meal for two, for about $45. It faced competition from other mid-level steak chain places in town, namely Timberlodge with its rustic hunting cabin theme, and the Outback Steakhouse. As far as the Outback Steakhouse goes, I think I’m too dense to understand what the fuck the Australian Outback has to do with steak. When I think of the Land Down Under, I don’t think of beef. I think crocodiles, kangaroos, and the Men at Work. Not bovines. Whatever. And of course, there’s Manny’s and Murray’s — the downtown, high-end/Daddy Warbucks-genre of steakhouses with a la carte pricing that give off that traditional “old boy’s club” ambiance, if you want to shell out some dough and rub elbows with Sid Hartman.

Cattle Company was in the Twin Cities for as long as I can remember. I remember my parents getting a babysitter for us kids and going here sans offspring for a nice dinner out. Most kids really don’t like steakhouses anyway. Sirloin steak topped with shoestring onions? Warm bread and whipped butter? Loaded baked potato? Sounds good now as an adult, but most kids would prefer to eat soggy pizza at Circus Circus, doggy-paddle their way through the ball crawl, and come home with the Chicken Pox.

One of my favorite things about this place is that had HUGE, comfy, private booths in little alcoves around the restaurant. The downside to these alcoves was that booths were so high, your server would often forgot someone was sitting in the booth, resulting in very slow service. It was also really dimly lit, like an underground lair or a nightclub. Lots of steakhouses do this for some reason — I’m going here to eat my steak, not to pick up a guy.  This is the Cattle Company, not Redstone!

This is a place you'd want to go when you didn't want to shell out the dough to eat at Murray's.

They did have a bar area, where that sort of shit went down. I remember a friend and I coming here to sit at the bar in 2001 to watch the World Series and two different dudes bought us a round of drinks. It seems a little odd that people would come to Cattle Company to hook up with a mate. Maybe it’s all those women with cowboy fetishes, thinking they might find a Kenny Chesney look-a-like here? I feel ‘ya — I went through that cowboy thing myself…when was when I was 16. My obsession was nipped in the bud when I saw Garth Brooks without his hat on. The closest you might get to a cowboy in here is perhaps finding a deputy sitting at the bar, enjoying a cold one after a long day of rounding up some stray cows on the county road. So, girl, if you really want that cowboy, either move to Montana or just go to the Disney store and get yourself a Woody doll.

We went to the Fridley location) for my pre-Junior prom dinner back in 1996. It was either this or the Sunshine Factory because that’s just what everyone did at my high school for prom. In the north suburbs, we really didn’t have much choice back then for nearby, high-faulting dining establishments.  I remember walking in here (decked out in my prom dress, flower corsage, and high heels) and making

Cattle Company had a really good Molten Lava Chocolate Fudge Cake!

a spectacle of myself by tripping over some extension cord taped down on the floor. Fuck, it’s no wonder that after the prom, my date just wanted to “be friends.” Technically, we are still friends. On Facebook, anyway.

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I never ate at the Roseville Cattle Company — I went to the Brooklyn Park and Fridley locations. I can’t recall where BP location was (might’ve been in Brooklyn Center?), but I’m sure the building is long gone. The Fridley location (off of University Avenue, in the Cub Foods parking lot) was razed a few years ago to make way for a CVS.

This disowned parcel in Roseville was supposed to be redeveloped into a grocery store in 2007. Not sure what happened to those plans, but here we are, 2 years later, with the Cattle Company eyesore still standing proud. The Minnetonka location is still unleased as well — let the cow fun live on!

Hate the Cattle Company? Miss the Cattle Company? Did you also have your prom dinner at the Cattle Company? Leave a note in the comments!

Photos taken June 2009.

The outside of this place says, "Home on the range where the deer and the antelope play" but the inside tells a different story

The Roseville, MN Cattle Company

The garland around the Rosedale Commons sign is nice and all, but I'd prefer something a little more over-the-top/Clark Griswald-style myself.

On the surface, this place looks like every other strip mall out there. And it pretty much is, except for one thing. The “windows” function like garage-doors and open up in the summer, giving this place an open-air/lifestyle center-type feeling. Being that it opened in 1986, it was so ahead of its time…

Located right across the street from Rosedale Mall (the Twin Cities’ busiest mall, other than the Mall of America), Rosedale Commons is a pretty hoppin’ place. Having a gym and 2 restaurants (TGIFridays and Old Country Buffet)  help keep the crowds comin’.

Soon, this strip mall will lose its biggest store – Linens ‘N Things. Linens ‘N Things is closing all stores, and the Rosedale Commons location is no exception. How will we function without Linens N Things? Where will I buy my balsam & cedar decorative votives? How will I complete my Country Blue Ducks decor in my kitchen? I still need the matching lightswitch plate!

Next to Linens N Things is a Petsmart. Petsmart used to be a CompUSA, but again, the national chain closes up shop, and out of Rosedale Commons it goes. Maybe this place is cursed.

Linens N Things and Petsmart aren’t accessible from inside the mall. But the rest of the stores are. Let’s go inside!

Sunlight streams through the hallway of Rosedale Commons. Bring the sunscreen!

At the far end of the mall is a Wells Fargo and a GameStop. There used to be a Chinese Buffet here too. Probably went out of business because of the Old Country Buffet a few yards down the hall. There’s only so many buffets one strip mall can handle, you know.

Going further down the hallway is an abandoned Ulta store.  Ulta and all of their

This Ulta store is closed, but you can still get harassed for a "free" subscription to InStyle magazine when you visit their new location down the road.

uber-bitchy sales associates moved just down the road to the Crossroads Mall.  See you at the Crossroads!

Further down the hallway is Dena Marie Bridal and Tux. They’re always hauling out a bunch of misfit bridesmaid dresses on racks & having impromptu sidewalk sales. I guess that’s a good thing if you don’t mind having mismatched bridesmaid dresses at your wedding or if you’re in the market for a prom dress.

They also sell men’s tuxes and suits. Again, great for weddings and proms. This place is a madhouse around prom season. A bunch of 16-18 year old boys trying on $40 suits, acting like they’re hot shot businessmen CEO’s. Meh.

We’ve also got a Pearle Vision Center, Jenny Craig, Joann Fabrics, Urban Traveler, and a Juut Salon.

In the middle of the mall is a staircase leading to…THE BASEMENT. It’s not your typical creepy mall basement, like the one in Har Mar. The basement of this place has a women-only Lifetime Fitness and the mall office. It used to have a ballroom dance studio, but that closed a few years ago. Lifetime bought the space and expanded. Back when CompUSA was in this strip mall, the nerdy sales guys used to sneak down on their break and sit on the concrete steps to stare at the women working out. CREEPY. Lifetime has since blocked out the windows.

THE BASEMENT! Oooh SCARY!

I go to this Lifetime sometimes. I usually stick to the Lifetime closer to home, but every once in a while, I’ll go here for old time’s sake. I used to go here ALL.THE.TIME – they had some awesome classes here at one point in time (Tuesday 5:30PM step class, I miss you!!), but some of the instructors moved on or they moved the classes to a time when I cannot attend.  I’ve pretty much stopped going to the classes at Lifetime, so I go to the club by my house.  I’m going to the gym to run on the treadmill for an hour & listen to angry rap songs – any Lifetime will do. It’s actually much nicer facility too.

This is a very basic, bare-bones Lifetime. It’s basically cardio equipment, weight machines and some random group fitness classes.  If this is the main club you use, you’re probably better off getting a membership to Anytime Fitness for the price of this place. There is no pool, no snack bar, no rock climbing wall.  Just women and exercise equipment.

Back upstairs, a few more shops remain. A few places near the OCB wing of the mall closed.  Mega Media Xchange (aren’t they edgy, spelling their name with an X and all!?) – a place where you can sell back your used CDs, DVDs and video games. Looks like they moved all of their inventory over to

Mega Media Xchange - one of those places where you can trade in your entire DVD collection for a whopping 75 cents.

Blaine.  I doubt their Blaine location will stay in business very much longer either. These types of places are a dying breed. Soon, everything will be digital, and we won’t need to buy physical CDs and DVDs. These kinds of places attract those people who, in 2008, wave around their cell phone like it’s still a status symbol.

Why buy new when slightly used will do? Hmm...Tricky Dick's got me there. How can you argue with that?

Shinders closed too. The local porn peddler closed up shop in June 2007. Pretty sad — Shinders was the closest thing Roseville had to a Vegas-area brothel. The owner couldn’t afford to keep the stores operating — and along with that, he was facing drug charges.

Porn and drugs — not surprising. If he’s not in jail right now, you could probably find him blowing lines in the VIP room at Sheiks. Fuck, is there any Minnesota business owner who hasn’t had a brush with the law? Who’s next? My money’s on Dick Enrico. After all, he did that ad campaign with him looking like Baby Hitler…

Also on this end of the strip mall is an Oreck vacuum store. Vacuums are for losers. Real men and women use Roombas.

And then we come to the big daddy of Rosedale Commons. The Old Country Buffet. Yep, much like the Holly Center in Fridley, the Old Country Buffet is a big draw for this strip mall.

From their advertising and marketing, you’d think you were getting a homecooked meal from Ma at the farmhouse. In reality, you’re getting something more akin to what you’d find in a government-run cafeteria.

They have…

• A meat station with a guy slicing the delicate cuts of roast beef, turkey, and ham. I guess he’s supposed to be the
  

  If the Old Country Buffet closed, there'd be a line at Baker's Square at 3pm.

  chef. We’re supposed to believe that because he’s wearing a paper chef hat. Okay.

• A pasta station. Lots of noodles soaking in neon orange cheese.  You can usually find cold pizza, brittle mashed potatoes, and sometimes *gasp* a makeshift taco bar.
• A soda fountain with unlimited refills on various corn syrup drinks.  OCB doesn’t have a liquor license. They should get one – this place would be a trip if you were tipsy. Come to think of it, they should install TVs in here too.  Grandpa could sip a 7 & 7, gum on unlimited cinnamon rolls, and watch The Price is Right. What fun! But for now, bring a flask.
• A dessert bar with various confections that have all the delicacy of a Hostess pie.
• And the two decoys on which every buffet relies – a salad bar and a soft-serve ice cream station.

No matter how you decide to navigate the troughs, please, for the love of god, take a clean plate for every trip to the buffet. This isn’t a chuckwagon, you rouges!

I don't think this mall has enough rules. What's next, no open toed shoes

Oh – one last thing to mention – these signs are plastered all over this mall, and without it, there would be pure anarchy.  Don’t pretend you’re Tony Hawk! Don’t light up! No Amway fliers! No selling boy scout wreaths! No horseplay or doing any of that other shit here or you will find yourself singing show tunes in prison. Where’s our freedom of expression? It’s like a police state here!

Enjoy the rest of the photos! All photos taken December, 2008.

If you think this is going to be like a Vegas-style buffet, think again. Most Vegas buffets aren't that great anyway, but at least they have sad-sap gambling-style decor to look at and an on-site bookie.

Rosedale Commons Hallway

Dena Marie Bridal

Taffeta dresses, anyone?

Don't let that beautiful pyramid statue in front of the door fool you into thinking you'll find classic pieces of art inside Rosedale Commons. It's just an ashtray.

Linens N Things is going out of business. Why, it must be because of the SMOKING BAN. Isn't that what smokers always say whenever any business anywhere closes?

Going out of business