This is a perfect time for me to recite my favorite Jurassic Park line: "That is one big pile of shit!"

The Brookdale Macy’s is closing and Dumpy Strip Malls is there!

I paid a final visit to Macy’s  last Friday afternoon.

It was just as I expected it to be — incredibly depressing. The store was pretty messy – it looked like a TJ Maxx at closing time. If you’re thinking of

checking it out one last time, I wouldn’t bother.

This is NOT like the other Macy’s in Minnesota, mang.

Vinyl clothing strewn everywhere. Jeans in the color scheme of a child’s fingerpainting project. Porn star formal wear. Dinnerware locked up in the jewelry cases. Anti-theft devices on bags of Whole Bean Starbucks Coffee

and boxes of Frango Mints.

Yep, it’s details like this that set the Brookdale Macy’s apart.

The prices on the merchandise weren’t anything to write home about. 30% off here, 40% off there. Meh. Give it a few weeks though and the prices will be good enough to tell Winona Ryder about this place – the clearance sale prices will likely be equal to stealing.

Most of the shit in this Macy’s I wouldn’t even take if it were free. See example below:

Even Missy Elliott, queen of the Obnoxious Parka, is going, "Oh, girl, NO."

The urban designers are the heavy hitters at the Brookdale Macy’s.  If you’re trying to look like Master P, Fergie Ferg, Jenny from the Block, or that dude from the Sopranos who got whacked in the 3rd season, you’ll find a stockpile of blingity-bling-bling-blinged-out threads here.

Or, for this Halloween, if you’re thinking of going as Master P, Fergie Ferg, Jenny from the Block, or that dude from the Sopranos who got whacked in

I can't think of anything I'd rather wear than a plastic jacket that will crack after a few weeks of wear. In your choice of colors!

the 3rd season, you’ll find your supplies here. And at discount prices! Take THAT, Party City, and your ridiculously priced $70 adult costumes!

Macy’s wasn’t quite at the point of selling their in-store display cases and mannequins for cash quite yet, but they did have what looked like a raffle box set up at the front of the store where you could throw in your business card if you were interested in a headless mannequin or rolling rack.

I have a lot of memories of shopping at the Brookdale Macy’s…well, more like the Brookdale Dayton’s. I can’t say I ever really shopped here since it’s been a Macy’s or even Marshall Fields. My parents bought our Disneyworld vacation from Dayton’s travel. I got my first pair of jeans here when I was in elementary school – a pair of light blue stonewashed (but of course!) Levi jeans and I wore them on the first day of 2nd grade.  Most of my back-to-school clothes came from here. I remember when I finally got old enough to shop in the Juniors department instead of the girls’ section. I was so excited!  When Dayton’s decided to get rid of their electronic department, we  got some cheap Nintendo games & accessories, including the Power Glove and the Power Pad. It came with Track & Field, and my mom also bought us Dance Aerobics, which was an incredible

disappointment. Even though the Power Pad was like a prehistoric WII Fit, it never quite took off. Ahhh…so ahead of its time.

Probably my favorite memory of the Brookdale Macy’s was when my brother and I would play hide & seek inside the clothing racks when Mom would drag us clothes shopping. When she’d go in the dressing room to try on clothes, we’d hide out in the nearest rack to the fitting room door, and when she got out, we’d pop out and scare the shit out of her.  Worked EVERY time. One time, we knocked over an entire rack of corduroy pants. After that, we had the choice of a week of no Nintendo or wearing one of those kid dog leashes every time we went shopping.  She wasn’t kidding either – she had one for our little sister. It even reeled the kid in, like when fishing. *Zzzzzzzzzip!*

We went with the Nintendo option – even though taking away our gaming system hit us where it hurt, the public humiliation of being on a child

She had dem Apple Bottom Jean (jeans)...

...Boots with the Fur. The whole club waz lookin' at herrr

safety harness was much, much worse.

We stopped hiding in the racks after corduroy pants capsizing incident. We took up another

hobby instead: Whining. Because, as we learned, you can’t effectively whine at Mom to buy you toys if you’re hiding out in racks.

I haven’t shopped here in over 10 years, so I won’t miss Macy’s Brookdale as a shopping destination, but I will miss knowing that it’s there. Errr…that might sound strange. I guess I figure that if Macy’s can stay at Brookdale, then there’s some hope that the mall I grew up with as a child can stick around, and perhaps make a turnaround. But with Macy’s closing, it’s pretty much a death-blow to Brookdale.

Sure, I’ll poke fun at Brookdale, but do I really want a wrecking crew to bulldoze the place? No. I want someone to come save it. Will that happen? Highly unlikely, especially in this shit economy.

Reeboks with the Straps? The Brookdale Macy's is a triple threat for "getting low"! And check out those Laura Ingalls Wildler loafers in the foreground. My grandma would love those!

After visiting Macy’s, I decided to check out Brookdale again to see what’s changed. I last visited the Brookdale Mall in August 2008 – here’s my original post. In the short few months since I had last been there, there’s been some changes…

• Steve & Barry’s closed
• Macy’s is closing
• Victoria’s Secret is closed
• Pacific Sunwear is closed. I think Hot Topic is gone now too
• One of the jewelry stores closed.
• A slew of other stores closed & I can’t remember what they were

To my surprise, the mall was fairly busy (relatively speaking, of course) for a late afternoon on a Friday. I didn’t get harassed or threatened, but honestly, I did feel a bit unsafe. There were quite a few folks strolling through the mall who looked like they belonged on a police lineup . Lots of loitering teens “holla-ing” at each other.

I did witness a few interesting things though…

I overhead a little boy, probably not older than 6,  singing “Love Lockdown.” I suppose it could’ve been worse. He could’ve been singing “One More Drink” by Ludacris.

I saw a group of teens (a few with red bandannas tied around their ankles)

I kept expecting zombies to pop out of nowhere.

talking to a friendly law enforcement official. Yeah, a real cop, not Paul Blart.

A mom with about a half dozen elementary school aged children in tow, loudly dropping f-bomb a dozen times after finding out that Victora’s Secret was closed.

Two elderly ladies talking about how this mall has gone to pit. Awww. I should’ve told them to come visit my blog. Then again, they might not enjoy it, with the harsh language, stupid jokes, and lame pop culture references and all…

I spent about 15 minutes total strolling through Brookdale, which was more than enough time that I wanted to spend there. I probably won’t be back until I see the wrecking ball and bulldozer in the parking lot.

Well, I’m going to have to cut this entry short. I have to get back to writing my “25 random things about me” note on Facebook. I need to let friends, coworkers, former coworkers, high school classmates I haven’t talked to in at least 10 years, and the dude who works at my neighborhood BP station, and other random acquantices know that I have double-jointed thumbs, I still listen to the Backstreet Boys (their comeback material is shit, but I love the stuff from the “Backstreet’s Back ALRIGHT” days),  and my favorite cereal is Special K Chocolately Delight.

Enjoy the rest of the photos! (All photos taken Jan. 2009)

Check out the ORIGINAL Brookdale Mall post for more pictures and information about this mall.

MACYS:

Too much orange and black in this pic. Reminds me of those orange & black wrapped peanut butter taffy horseshit candy that’s given out by all the neighborhood grumps on Halloween

Wow. NEON BLUE jeans with fading. Flashback to 2001, no? You know, I bet Tara Reid would still wear these, paired with a baby-t

20 years ago, I got a Swatch Watch at this counter.

You know you're at the Brookdale Macy's when... Corelle dinnerware is locked up in the fine jewelry case

40% off??! And an extra 10% off if I use my Macy's card? Don't try to hard-sell me, bitch.

First thought: "Luggage! Aha, something NORMAL." Second thought: "It's fire engine RED. Yuck." Why does everything here have to be in some obnoxious color??

Maybe if Macy’s invested in a Bissel, they wouldn’t be going out of business.

60% off area rugs – I guess that’s not that bad of a deal. Those things are $$$$$!

30% off? Fuck that - I've got a friend in the diamond business. I'm sure he'll hooks me up.

BROOKDALE MALL:

Macy's is singing its swansong

Auntie Annie's Pretzels is closed.

Big Harry Deals- a dollar store with an “urban” touch

You know, would it be so bad if they tore down this mall and put in an In-N-Out burger? Mmm. Why can’t we have one in Minnesota??? So good.

Another view of Brookdale

Photo Gifts. Yep, just what I want. A grainy silk-screened picture of Grandma on 50/50 cotton poly blend.

This is where Stuarts, B. Dalton, and Maurices once were

The one good claim Brookdale can make is its "unique" selection of stores. Everything else seems to be Wal-Marted & Starbucked to death.

I love Brookdale's huge selection of stores!

Yay, the Brookdale Food Court. Don't bring anyone here on a date if you ever want to see them again

I can haz government bailout?

Will anyone save the Brookdale Mall in its 11th hour?

"Come See the Softer Side of Sears." Sears MUST have a soft side. For Brookdale, that is. Sears probably stays at Brookdale out of pity.

Lots of Minnesotans think that Brookdale should be razed and a Vikings stadium should be built in its place. 'Cuz you know, the Vikes will move if we don't get a new stadium soon and without the Vikings, Minnesota will just be a Cold Omaha.