Archive for February, 2009

Albertville Premium Outlets: Albertville, MN

Albertville Premium Outlets: Where Clothes Come to Die!

It used to be that when you thought of outlet mall shopping, things that came to mind would be shapeless clothes, factory-second linens, and orthopedic shoes. Don’t worry–you can still get that kind of stuff here, but Albertville Premium Outlets is marketed as a “premium” outlet center. The center is owned by Chelsea Premium Outlets, a chain of outlet malls around the country that boast of having designer outlet stores for label-conscious shoppers at discounts up to 75% off every day.

Albertville
This outlet mall put Albertville, MN on the map

Okay, well, that can be true, but let’s cut the BS.

Some may say that this is an excellent place to find deals; others will say that this place is a last ditch effort to screw the consumer until they send it to TJ Maxx.

Me? I’m on the fence. You can get good deals here, but you have to have done your research and know what you’re buying. Leave your “sale goggles” at home — don’t just buy something here because “you’re at an outlet” and “it’s on sale.”

I kind of think the whole concept of outlet malls is a bit misleading. Just because it’s an outlet store doesn’t necessarily mean an automatic bargain or super deals, although it can be done.  If  you shop at the regular locations of many of these stores, you’ll see that the merchandise you’re buying at the outlets SHOULD be cheaper because the items are of lesser quality and were never sold in the normal stores in the first place. Basically, you’re getting what you pay for.

All of the TV ads and billboards feature a pretty fashionista doing some shopping, all decked out wearing her best heels and pearls. Oh please, get a better photo! It’s an OUTLET MALL for crying out loud.  I have yet to see people shopping here who look like  they’re going to the Guthrie. When I was here the last week, I saw a 400 pound lady wearing stonewashed jeans that were so tight, I bet she was itching yeast.

I have no idea when this place opened – I never personally visited (or even KNEW about the place) until 2004. I couldn’t find any information on it – but they added many more shops in the early ’00s, making the outlet mall more of an all-day, blow-your-entire-afternoon shopping destination. I’m assuming before that, it was a small outlet center, much like the North Branch outlets or the like the old Woodbury outlet mall (a major shithole, if you ask me).

It’s easy to miss the exit if you’re coming from the Twin Cities. Just follow the billboards, and take the first (and only?) Albertville exit and you’ll be fine.

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For fuck's sake, they have a CROCS store!

The Stores

I’m not going to list out all the rest of the stores here. I am lazy and that’s simply too much work.  You can go to their website for that. One thing to note–according to their website, Wilson’s Leather is still here. Wouldn’t surprise me any; they’ve had their “going out of business” sale for the last 10 years.  I know there’s been some store closings in this mall, but I only know of a few. The only former stores I can think of are the Barnes & Noble outlet, the Bose store, and the Bombay Co. outlet.

Most of the stores here are your typical Joe Schmoe outlet mall crowd pleasers, such as:

Jones New York
Liz Claiborne
Kitchen gadget stores that sell oddball stuff like avocado slicers and potato peeler gloves
Casual Male XL
Izod
Calvin Klein
Van Heusen
Brooks Brothers
and so on.

When I shop here by myself, I have only a few stores that I check out. Those stores include BCBG, Lucky, Nike, and the following…

GAP:  I have a sneaking suspicion that a lot of this stuff was churned out a basement sweatshop in a third world country. Plus, so much of the stuff here screams, “That is SOOO 10 years ago.” Yeah, not even “so last

GAP Denim shirts

I think I had this same GAP denim shirt back in 1998. 20% off of a denim shirt from 11 years ago does not a deal make.

year.” They’re pulling out all the stops here and going back an entire decade. This is where people are still buying those ugly GAP logo sweatshirts. If you’ve only visited a regular GAP store in a mall, you’d think they were put out of their misery in 1999, but no. These suckers are out on the racks in full force at the outlet.  You can even find tapered leg jeans here (GAP Outlet calls them “Classic” jeans, so head’s up. You don’t want to be wearing Mom Jeans, do you?)  Racks are chock full of weird sizes – lots of XXXXXL sized shirts and Size 2 Extra Short pants. I think they spray all their clothes here with GAP “So Pink” perfume, because I swear, if I buy something from here, that scent follows me home. Don’t expect to get really good deals here either (though it CAN be done. I’ve purchased clothing here for $0.97 before!). Example – on their “clearance” rack, a $32 sweater was marked down to $28. Bitch, please.

Banana Republic Factory Store: Oh boy, quality can be a big issue here. If you actually think you’re getting “real” Banana Republic clothing that was in the store last year, you’re wrong. I’d say 90% of the stuff here is made specifically for the outlet. It might look familiar, but chances are, it’s “off” in some way. For example, I bought a cute dress at the regular BR store. The next season, I saw the same dress at the outlet, except that instead of the silk material on MY dress,  it was cotton. And unlined. Yet, the outlet was claiming that their dress should be “compared to $160″ (original price of my dress at the regular store). Claiming a cotton dress with no lining to a silk dress with a lining to be the same price, just because the pattern and style are the same is pretty damn deceiving. Just know what you’re buying, and don’t overpay for the Banana Republic name, that’s all.

Coach: I consider myself a really good shopper. I rarely buy anything that’s not on sale, so when I say that you can get good deals at this store, I damn well mean it. Now, you’re not going to get good deals EVERY TIME you go in here. Oh no. You have to hit up this place at the right time. Don’t ask me when that is because I honestly don’t know. It’s hit or miss. Yes, they do make bags specifically for the outlet, but no, they are not inferior or ‘factory seconds.’ I’m pretty familiar with Coach and I notice no difference in quality between the bags at the outlet vs. the bags at the full-price store. Word to the wise – do NOT come here for the Midnight Madness sale on Black Friday (don’t even come to the outlet mall on that day, for that matter). You will be sorry. My sister and I made the mistake back in 2006.  Be prepared to sit on I-94 in bumper-to-bumper traffic for several miles, just to get into the parking lot. Then, you’re going to wait in more lines, just to get into the stores. We got in line at 12AM at Coach and didn’t get in the store to shop until 2:45AM. At that point, you feel like you must buy something to justify the long wait. Pure HELL. Never again!

Other info (and things to be wary of)…

Like every mall, Albertville has the decoys — stores located at outlet centers that aren’t really outlets. I don’t care for such tomfoolery - don’t let the following stores trip you up!

Bath and Body Works: Medford and North Branch have the REAL outlets. (And it’s worth it because you can score some great deals! It’s like a year-round Semi-Annual Sale!)
Aeropostale
Justice
Maurices
PacSun
Old Navy – yes, this USED to be an outlet, but Old Navy converted all of their outlet stores into regular stores within the last year or so…..there might be more too. Watch out!

Then they have the stores that really raise an eyebrow, like Maidenform, Jockey, and L’eggs/Hanes. The fuck? Why do we need an outlet store for drugstore underpants? Are people THAT clueless? You can buy that shit at CVS, with a BOGO coupon.

Speaking of coupons, this mall, as well as any other Chelsea Premium Outlet centers, offers a “VIP” coupon book, though there’s nothing VIP about it. All you do is log on to the website, register with your email address, and print out the coupons. See? No secret handshake needed. I strongly suggest doing this, as many of the stores offer pretty decent coupons through this avenue.

Despite this place calling itself a “premium outlet”, it is severely lacking in the designer goods. BCBG, Banana Republic, Coach, and Lucky Brand are about as high end as this place goes. You won’t find Burberry, Prada, St. John, True Religion, or Gucci outlet stores here. That’s because we are hicks here in Minnesota and we don’t know what Prada is. :P   Maybe I’m just a snob? Really, I’m not – I did drop $100 during my trip to the mall (oops) — but it would be nice to have that option. I look at it this way – if I’m going outlet shopping, I want to have the chance to buy stuff I wouldn’t normally buy. I’m not driving all the way out here looking for a discount on Maidenform bras.

If you are looking for designer stuff, may I suggest the wonderful Saks Off-5th Outlet in downtown Minneapolis? I kind of wish I still worked downtown — I used to stalk the sales racks over lunch back in the day. I once scored a pair of Jimmy Choos for $30!

I really think this place is poorly designed. Because if you want to ‘do’ the entire mall and start out at the Old Navy, and make your way all the way down to the Nike Store, you’re going to have one hell of a long hike all the way back to the car.  When I go here, I always hit up the same few stores and just drive to them. However, this plan can be a pain in the ass on the weekends because of the congested traffic. Plus, there’s a bunch of stores across the street too — “The Promenade”. I don’t usually bother with the stores over there, except for BCBG and Lucky, if the mood strikes me. They do offer a free trolley that tootles around around the mall, stopping at designated spots, but I’ve never bothered to try it out.

Word to the wise – there is no food court, which is kind of a shame because many people who come here end up spending their

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Looks like the invasion has begun. Someone call Will Smith!

entire day here. They have a Subway on one end of the mall, a TCBY yogurt way on the other end, and a Dunn Bros Coffee on the other side of the road. There’s also a free-standing Burger King. That’s pretty much it. Oh yeah, there’s a oddball restaurant on the service road leading up to the mall called “Space Aliens Grill & Bar.” The fuck? For the love of god, why is this in Albertville, Minnesota of all places? It ought to be located in Area 51 or Roswell, New Mexico.

Much like the Mall of America, although to a lesser extent, this can be a hotspot for tourists (mostly due to our no sales tax on clothing). Every time I have friends visiting from out of state, they always want to go to the outlet AND the MOA. It can be a complete zoo here on the weekends, especially during the summer. During the week, it’s a ghosttown. And watch it – don’t plan on spending a summer Sunday afternoon here because you will fight the coming-back-from-the-cabin crowd on I-94 and you’ll be smoldering in traffic for a while.

As far as outlet centers go, this is as good as it gets in Minnesota, so if you’re up for a day of outlet shopping, go here & don’t bother with the other outlets (Medford and North Branch). Just do your research before you go and have realistic expectations -  yes, it’s an outlet mall but if you’re thinking you’re going to find cocktail dress for a penny, you will be sorely disappointed.

Enjoy the rest of the photos! All photos taken Feb. 2009.

A tacky Banana Republic outfit made specifically for the outlet
A tacky Banana Republic outfit made specifically for the outlet. Let’s be real – an elephant logo sweatsuit would not fly in the regular store.
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Just because it’s located at an outlet mall doesn’t mean it’s a REAL outlet store
Store Directory

Store Directory

The Presidents Day Sale

The Presidents Day Sale

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A lot of times you're better off shopping at the regular stores

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Coldwater Creek...A fashion DON'T, unless you're 60.

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More hot shopping action!

Play Area

Play Area

Outside the Coach store

Outside the Coach store

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I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BROILED!!!

sadasd

I'd like to get a pair of Coach sunglasses, but they didn't have any that were big enough. I like sunglasses, with white frames, that are as big as my head. Seriously. I probably look ridiculous but that's how I roll.

See, this is what I'm talking about - this is the Banana Republic Factory Store. I shop at BR a lot, and I KNOW these items were NEVER in the "real" store

See, this is what I'm talking about - here is the Banana Republic Factory Store. I shop at BR a lot, and I KNOW these items were NEVER in the "real" store.

I don't care for all the splashy logos, but I like the color

I don't care for all the splashy logos, but I like the color

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Some of the stores across the street

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I keep going back here and I often have to ask myself, "Why?!"

Fanny Packs at Coach

Coach or not, you couldn't PAY me to carry a fanny packs. And at only 30% off? Fuck, who are they trying to kid?

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Krispy Kreme: Maple Grove, MN

Who likes a little DRAMA with their donuts? Minnesotans, that’s who!

The first Krispy Kreme retail location opened in Maple Grove in April 2002 with major fanfare and a media shitstorm. And

Krispy Kreme's conveyer-belt donuts couldn't even last a decade in Minnesota

Krispy Kreme's conveyer-belt donuts couldn't even last a decade in Minnesota

in February 2008,  it went out with less than a whimper.

When the Krispy Kreme opened in Maple Grove, there was  an incredible amount of commotion. I guess it set a KK store opening record. Hundreds of people camped outside the Krispy Kreme for several days,  all local news stations were there doing live reporting from the scene, and they had policemen directing traffic in the area. There were even ad hoc donut tycoons selling boxes of Krispy Kremes on street corners for profit! The congested traffic and long lines went on for months.

Yeah, all of this ballyhoo over hot donuts. Nutrition was officially dead in 2002; long live rotted pancreases, kidneys, and livers!

Ahh, it was such a simpler time back then. In those days, our biggest worry was timing a visit to Krispy Kreme to get there right when the blinking light goes off.  These days, it’s all about the unemployment rate, the in-the-crapper economy, and poisoned peanut butter. These days, no one’s going to play hooky at work to camp out for donuts – ‘cuz if you have a job, you do whatever you can to keep it. (By the way, if you think I’m going to knock on those folks to pitched tents outside of Krispy Kreme, or the donut entrepreneurs who flipped donuts on the black market, you’re wrong. I’m not one to talk. I’m one of those jokers who camped outside of Target for 2 days for a Playstation 3, hoping to make beaucoup bucks on eBay, only to sell it at a loss.)

The Krispy Kreme phenomenon only lasted for six years in Minnesota. Krispy Kreme Minnesota locations began closing in the summer of 2007. The Maple Grove location was the last one standing, and it didn’t last much longer, closing its doors in February 2008. Today, the Krispy Kreme building is empty.

I never understood why people were so krazy about those things. I’d hear the excuse that you have to get them while they’re hot, but when you fry up some shortening and dough, anything will taste good hot. I tried ‘em hot and still didn’t get the hype. All it was, was a warm donut. Big whoop. I could emulate the same thing myself in the microwave.

Krispy Kreme’s major fault was they grew so fast that they over saturated the market with their product. In a few short months, KK’s were in every grocery store and every Target in the state. I think everyone in Minnesota pretty much OD’d on donuts.

My first encounter with Krispy Kreme was in October 2001, before Minnesota even had a Krispy Kreme “restaurant.” I was working at Target HQ and Target struck some sort of deal with this particular donut shop to stock these things in their stores. Prior to this, I had never heard of such a place. To celebrate this event, all HQ employees were entitled to a free box of Krispy Kreme glazed donuts down in the lobby.  I swear to God, my coworkers were going apeshit over this stuff.  Our weekly team meeting fell on this same morning during which the donuts were given away, and my manager canceled the meeting so we could all could queue for the free donuts AND have time to sit down and enjoy them.

Now, I’m not much of a donut fan – I’ll eat them, but I don’t get cravings for them (that’s because I eat DANGER for breakfast, not Bavarian Cremes). But because there was so much emotion and fervor over these pastries, curiosity got the best of me, and I found myself taking the elevator down to the lobby to pick up my complementary donuts.

The donuts were handed to me in a green & white polka dotted box with a Krispy Kreme logo that looked so retro, I started to yearn for those simpler times of sock hops, poodle skirts, and Dick & Jane readers. Hey, whatever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paperboy…evening TV?!

fsdfsdfdsfds

Krispy Kreme has been closed for a year now, but someone is still using their dumpster

I hopped back on the elevator, holding my box of donuts, wondering, “How can CREAM be CRISPY?”  I was perplexed. Is that even scientifically possible? The anticipation grew after every floor the elevator passed.

I thought to myself, “I bet these donuts have some sort of crispy outer shell, yet are creamy on the inside…oooh, that sounds positively divine!” By the time I was back at my desk, I was practically having heart palpitations over my thoughts of the sugary consumables inside the polka dotted box.

I opened up the box, expecting these donuts to blow me away. Instead, I ended up being more disappointed than I was after seeing Jurassic Park III a few months earlier. Staring up at me were twelve generic-looking glazed donuts and a puddle of grease pooling on the bottom of the box.

“These look just like the ones from SuperAmerica,” I thought.  I picked up the donut and immediately wished I had swiped some napkins from the cafeteria. It was incredibly sticky, almost too sticky to hold.  I eagerly took a bite of the donut, hoping to have a near orgasm.

I was incredibly disappointed. It wasn’t crispy and it sure as hell wasn’t creamy. It was simply a sickeningly sweet glazed donut and nothing more. I could feel my pancreas seizing up from trying to fight the sugar and I swore I saw a spare tire forming over my waistband as the donut slid down my gullet.

“Good thing I wore my fat pants today,” I thought. I finished the donut sans orgasm, and stared at the remaining 11 police officer energy rings in the box. No way in hell was I ever going to eat all those damn donuts. I wiped my sticky-donut-residue-covered fingers on my fat pants and offered up the Kremey Krispies to Bob, my cube neighbor.

“What?! You don’t like Krispy Kremes?”

“Errr…well, I tried one, and it’s just a glazed donut.”

“But you gotta try them hot!” Bob insisted.

“Oh yeah, I’ll have to do that. I’m not really a fan of donuts though.”

Poor Bob. His eyes grew wide and he started to stutter. “But! But! You’re a member of the DONUT club?! And you *gasp* don’t like DONUTS?”

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You're going to have to find somewhere else to have a heart-attack.

Oooh BUSTED!

 

Eek. Time for a little backpeddling. “Well…errr…I mean, I like donuts, I’m just not in the mood for them today.”

There. Face = SAVED.

I should back up. I failed to mention that during my time at Target, I belonged to this exclusive clique- the DONUT CLUB. (Or as I liked to childishly call it (in my head) – the Donut “Fattening” Club).

Oooh. A donut h8ter in the Donut Club. Did I live on the edge or WHAT?

I joined the Donut Club out of obligation. This was my first job out of college, so I wanted to “network” and try to fit in with my much older colleagues.

The rules of the donut club were that you had to bring 2 dozen donuts of a mixed variety on Thursday morning when it was your turn.  The donuts were to arrive no later than 7:45AM, as the donut club “met” at 8am in the conference room on our floor. Under no circumstances were you to substitute bagels for donuts.

I wasn’t a donut fan, but I joined this donut brotherhood because I figured it’s a good way to get to know everyone — and one donut per week won’t kill me, it’ll just make me feel bloated for a while. I just had to remember to wear those fat pants on Thursdays.

Once Krispy Kreme opened, the hype spilled over to our Donut Club. The rules were amended. If you lived anywhere NEAR a Krispy Kreme, you were to bring Krispy Kreme donuts. I was 4th on the list after the rules were amended and so far, everyone had brought in Krispy Kreme donuts.

The closest Krispy Kreme to me was the one in Maple Grove, but it was quite a bit out of the way. It wasn’t exactly en route to downtown Minneapolis.

Screw that. I was willing to suffer the consequences. The little girl lowest on the corporate ladder was about to break Donut Club Rules of Conduct. This is Minnesota though – and donuts ‘n drama go hand-in-hand.

If I ate a donut here, I wouldn't go to sleep for a few days

If I ate a donut here, I wouldn't go to sleep for a few days

 

I ended up buying a box of Cub Foods donuts. I set them on the conference room table, stood back, and let the sparks fly. I had roughly 30 coworkers who were all foaming at the mouth for Krispy Kremes and I had to go & bring generic grocery store pastries. Not exactly a way to win friends and influence people, but fuck if I’m driving all the way out to Maple Grove.

I got out of the meeting without any bruises, but I did overhear several snotty remarks about no Krispy Kremes. I half expected to be discharged from the Donut Club after that, but no. My coworkers weren’t quite that radical.

So, back to Bob. By noon, he had polished off his entire dozen, plus 3 more out of my box. Oink, oink, indeed! Later in the afternoon, I overheard him whining to a few other people, (while shoving another one down his throat), about the donuts not being hot off the conveyor belt. Fuck, dude, they’re FREE. Whatchu complainin’ about?

Today, there is no national donut chain in Minnesota. If you want donuts, you’ll find them at a mom & pop bakery or Cub or Rainbow. However, Dunkin’ Donuts is coming back to the state soon, within the next few years. And you know what, it’s probably going to open with the same fanfare Krispy Kreme did. Lines around the block, community service officers directing traffic, lead story on the 10pm news. What I wonder is, why couldn’t we support the chain when it was here the first time? Because, 10 years ago, the only way Dunkin Donuts could get people to queue up is if they would’ve put opium in their donuts.

The Krispy Kreme drive-thru was once a center of complete chaos. Now it stands empty.

The Krispy Kreme drive-thru was once a center of complete chaos. Now it stands empty.

Everyone in Minnesota is clamoring for Dunkin’ Donuts and waxing poetic on how much they miss the place. How the donuts are spectaular and the coffee is to-die-for. The ones I like to laugh at are those fools who claim they just go there for the coffee, not the donuts. Yeah, right. Those are the same people who profess that they go to Hooters just for the wings.

I didn’t mind Dunkin’ Donuts, probably because I’m more of a cake donut fan myself. Dunkin Donuts have SUBSTANCE. You can actually chew them. . Krispy Kremes are mostly air and glaze and turn to mush when you pop them in your mouth. That’s great for Grandpa, but I still have my teeth and I want to use them. You see, if you mushed up a Krispy Kreme in your hand, it would be about the size of a marble. You can’t do that with a Dunkin’.

In KK’s defense, Dunkin’ Donuts are really tiny. Tiny, girly, wee little donuts – not suitable for a real man. You have to eat three of the damn things, when just one Krispy Kreme would’ve done the trick.

A blog post about donuts just isn’t complete without a police officer joke. So I’ll wrap up this long-winded post with my favorite joke:

How am I going to get my fried goo and lard these days?

How am I going to get my fried goo and lard these days?

A policeman pulls a guy over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are quite  bloodshot. Have you been drinking?” The man gets really angry and says, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”

All photos taken Feb. 2009

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Brookdale Macy's & Brookdale Mall, part 2

Macy's mess

This is a perfect time for me to recite my favorite Jurassic Park line: "That is one big pile of shit!"

The Brookdale Macy’s is closing and Dumpy Strip Malls is there!

I paid a final visit to Macy’s  last Friday afternoon.

It was just as I expected it to be — incredibly depressing. The store was pretty messy – it looked like a TJ Maxx at closing time. If you’re thinking of

checking it out one last time, I wouldn’t bother.

This is NOT like the other Macy’s in Minnesota, mang.

Vinyl clothing strewn everywhere. Jeans in the color scheme of a child’s fingerpainting project. Porn star formal wear. Dinnerware locked up in the jewelry cases. Anti-theft devices on bags of Whole Bean Starbucks Coffee

and boxes of Frango Mints.

Yep, it’s details like this that set the Brookdale Macy’s apart.

The prices on the merchandise weren’t anything to write home about. 30% off here, 40% off there. Meh. Give it a few weeks though and the prices will be good enough to tell Winona Ryder about this place – the clearance sale prices will likely be equal to stealing.

Most of the shit in this Macy’s I wouldn’t even take if it were free. See example below:

fds

Even Missy Elliott, queen of the Obnoxious Parka, is going, "Oh, girl, NO."

The urban designers are the heavy hitters at the Brookdale Macy’s.  If you’re trying to look like Master P, Fergie Ferg, Jenny from the Block, or that dude from the Sopranos who got whacked in the 3rd season, you’ll find a stockpile of blingity-bling-bling-blinged-out threads here.

Or, for this Halloween, if you’re thinking of going as Master P, Fergie Ferg, Jenny from the Block, or that dude from the Sopranos who got whacked in

ouch

I can't think of anything I'd rather wear than a plastic jacket that will crack after a few weeks of wear. In your choice of colors!

the 3rd season, you’ll find your supplies here. And at discount prices! Take THAT, Party City, and your ridiculously priced $70 adult costumes!

Macy’s wasn’t quite at the point of selling their in-store display cases and mannequins for cash quite yet, but they did have what looked like a raffle box set up at the front of the store where you could throw in your business card if you were interested in a headless mannequin or rolling rack.

I have a lot of memories of shopping at the Brookdale Macy’s…well, more like the Brookdale Dayton’s. I can’t say I ever really shopped here since it’s been a Macy’s or even Marshall Fields. My parents bought our Disneyworld vacation from Dayton’s travel. I got my first pair of jeans here when I was in elementary school – a pair of light blue stonewashed (but of course!) Levi jeans and I wore them on the first day of 2nd grade.  Most of my back-to-school clothes came from here. I remember when I finally got old enough to shop in the Juniors department instead of the girls’ section. I was so excited!  When Dayton’s decided to get rid of their electronic department, we  got some cheap Nintendo games & accessories, including the Power Glove and the Power Pad. It came with Track & Field, and my mom also bought us Dance Aerobics, which was an incredible

disappointment. Even though the Power Pad was like a prehistoric WII Fit, it never quite took off. Ahhh…so ahead of its time.

Probably my favorite memory of the Brookdale Macy’s was when my brother and I would play hide & seek inside the clothing racks when Mom would drag us clothes shopping. When she’d go in the dressing room to try on clothes, we’d hide out in the nearest rack to the fitting room door, and when she got out, we’d pop out and scare the shit out of her.  Worked EVERY time. One time, we knocked over an entire rack of corduroy pants. After that, we had the choice of a week of no Nintendo or wearing one of those kid dog leashes every time we went shopping.  She wasn’t kidding either – she had one for our little sister. It even reeled the kid in, like when fishing. *Zzzzzzzzzip!*

We went with the Nintendo option – even though taking away our gaming system hit us where it hurt, the public humiliation of being on a child

This is the Misses department. I did not know that Apple Bottom made "Mom Jeans" but I guess they do

She had dem Apple Bottom Jean (jeans)...

...Boots with the Fur. The whole club waz lookin' at herrr

...Boots with the Fur. The whole club waz lookin' at herrr

safety harness was much, much worse.

We stopped hiding in the racks after corduroy pants capsizing incident. We took up another

hobby instead: Whining. Because, as we learned, you can’t effectively whine at Mom to buy you toys if you’re hiding out in racks.

I haven’t shopped here in over 10 years, so I won’t miss Macy’s Brookdale as a shopping destination, but I will miss knowing that it’s there. Errr…that might sound strange. I guess I figure that if Macy’s can stay at Brookdale, then there’s some hope that the mall I grew up with as a child can stick around, and perhaps make a turnaround. But with Macy’s closing, it’s pretty much a death-blow to Brookdale.

Sure, I’ll poke fun at Brookdale, but do I really want a wrecking crew to bulldoze the place? No. I want someone to come save it. Will that happen? Highly unlikely, especially in this shit economy.

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Reeboks with the Straps? The Brookdale Macy's is a triple threat for "getting low"! And check out those Laura Ingalls Wildler loafers in the foreground. My grandma would love those!

After visiting Macy’s, I decided to check out Brookdale again to see what’s changed. I last visited the Brookdale Mall in August 2008 – here’s my original post. In the short few months since I had last been there, there’s been some changes…

  • Steve & Barry’s closed
  • Macy’s is closing
  • Victoria’s Secret is closed
  • Pacific Sunwear is closed. I think Hot Topic is gone now too
  • One of the jewelry stores closed.
  • A slew of other stores closed & I can’t remember what they were

To my surprise, the mall was fairly busy (relatively speaking, of course) for a late afternoon on a Friday. I didn’t get harassed or threatened, but honestly, I did feel a bit unsafe. There were quite a few folks strolling through the mall who looked like they belonged on a police lineup . Lots of loitering teens “holla-ing” at each other.

I did witness a few interesting things though…

I overhead a little boy, probably not older than 6,  singing “Love Lockdown.” I suppose it could’ve been worse. He could’ve been singing “One More Drink” by Ludacris.

I saw a group of teens (a few with red bandannas tied around their ankles)

I kept expecting zombies to pop out of nowhere.

I kept expecting zombies to pop out of nowhere.

talking to a friendly law enforcement official. Yeah, a real cop, not Paul Blart.

A mom with about a half dozen elementary school aged children in tow, loudly dropping f-bomb a dozen times after finding out that Victora’s Secret was closed.

Two elderly ladies talking about how this mall has gone to pit. Awww. I should’ve told them to come visit my blog. Then again, they might not enjoy it, with the harsh language, stupid jokes, and lame pop culture references and all…

I spent about 15 minutes total strolling through Brookdale, which was more than enough time that I wanted to spend there. I probably won’t be back until I see the wrecking ball and bulldozer in the parking lot.

Well, I’m going to have to cut this entry short. I have to get back to writing my “25 random things about me” note on Facebook. I need to let friends, coworkers, former coworkers, high school classmates I haven’t talked to in at least 10 years, and the dude who works at my neighborhood BP station, and other random acquantices know that I have double-jointed thumbs, I still listen to the Backstreet Boys (their comeback material is shit, but I love the stuff from the “Backstreet’s Back ALRIGHT” days),  and my favorite cereal is Special K Chocolately Delight.

Enjoy the rest of the photos! (All photos taken Jan. 2009)

Check out the ORIGINAL Brookdale Mall post for more pictures and information about this mall.

MACYS:

These orange & black Coach shoes really aren't THAT bad, by themselves
Too much orange and black in this pic. Reminds me of those orange & black wrapped peanut butter taffy horseshit candy that’s given out by all the neighborhood grumps on Halloween
Wow. NEON BLUE jeans. Flashback to 2001, no? You know, I bet Tara Reid would still wear these, paired with a baby-t

Wow. NEON BLUE jeans with fading. Flashback to 2001, no? You know, I bet Tara Reid would still wear these, paired with a baby-t

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20 years ago, I got a Swatch Watch at this counter. :(

You know you're at the Brookdale Macy's when... Corelle dinnerware is locked up in a fine jewelry case

You know you're at the Brookdale Macy's when... Corelle dinnerware is locked up in the fine jewelry case

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40% off??! And an extra 10% off if I use my Macy's card? Don't try to hard-sell me, bitch. :P

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First thought: "Luggage! Aha, something NORMAL." Second thought: "It's fire engine RED. Yuck." Why does everything here have to be in some obnoxious color??

This is where the Juniors department once was. Now it holds clothing for Baby Thug
Maybe if Macy’s invested in a Bissel, they wouldn’t be going out of business.
Rugs
60% off area rugs – I guess that’s not that bad of a deal. Those things are $$$$$!
asdasd

30% off? Fuck that - I've got a friend in the diamond business. I'm sure he'll hooks me up.


BROOKDALE MALL:

Macy's

Macy's is singing its swansong

ewerwer

Auntie Annie's Pretzels is closed.

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Big Harry Deals- a dollar store with an “urban” touch
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You know, would it be so bad if they tore down this mall and put in an In-N-Out burger? Mmm. Why can’t we have one in Minnesota??? So good.
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Another view of Brookdale
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Photo Gifts. Yep, just what I want. A grainy silk-screened picture of Grandma on 50/50 cotton poly blend.
This is where Stuarts, B. Dalton, and Maurices once were

This is where Stuarts, B. Dalton, and Maurices once were

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The one good claim Brookdale can make is its "unique" selection of stores. Everything else seems to be Wal-Marted & Starbucked to death.

I love going to Brookdale for the huge selection of stores

I love Brookdale's huge selection of stores!

don't bring anyone here on a date if you ever want to see them again

Yay, the Brookdale Food Court. Don't bring anyone here on a date if you ever want to see them again

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I can haz government bailout?
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Will anyone save the Brookdale Mall in its 11th hour?

"Come See the Softer Side of Sears." Sears MUST have a soft side. For Brookdale, that is. How they've stayed in business is an enigma

"Come See the Softer Side of Sears." Sears MUST have a soft side. For Brookdale, that is. Sears probably stays at Brookdale out of pity.

Lots of Minnesotans think that Brookdale should be razed and a Vikings stadium

Lots of Minnesotans think that Brookdale should be razed and a Vikings stadium should be built in its place. 'Cuz you know, the Vikes will move if we don't get a new stadium soon and without the Vikings, Minnesota will just be a Cold Omaha.

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